nice to meet you!!! i'm fawn, a genderqueer, confused, fatigued something just trying to get through existence. this site is a passion project (the first i've had in years!!!) and will be used as a personal journal to track my mental health journey and all my interests. if i'm invested in something, it'll get a page basically. multiple things pushed me to start this project including nostalgia and childhood interest, but my friend flower recently made their own site and it was the nudge i needed to finally start this adventure.

this little corner of the web is both a way for me to finally learn some basic coding, and an outlet for me that doesn't involve triggering an anxiety attack by doomscrolling online for too long. its main pages will be a work in progress for a while, and then once those are complete i will continue to update it in honour of living 11 year old me's dreams. like many kids born in the late 90s, my sister and i were very restricted with what we were allowed to do on the internet, and for how long. i don't remember how i found neopets, but i do know that like so many others it became my gateway into wanting to have my own website and learn how to do all the cool things that i saw others doing with their user lookups. neopets for me was a continuation of fascination from older sites that have been lost to time and memory (i swear one of them had mouse in the name, matmouse or mousemat or something. it's impossible to search for because i just get pages of results of sites selling mousepads. pls reach out to my nonexistent inbox if you have any details), and then neopets preceded tumblr which only furthered my desire to be amy adams in julie and julia or hilary duff in the perfect man

some more context with brain stuff.. i have a fun cocktail of mental illnesses, notably bpd, that all come together to consistently affect my day to day life and make it overwhelmingly difficult to regulate my emotions and have anything resembling normal personal relationships. i've come a long way in the last few years, though, and will keep going. it'll never be easy but it will be easier. my bpd is a large part of me wanting to create and maintain this space because i have journaled pretty consistently throughout mylife as an outlet, but with fatigue and spoons a website feels like the better option. typing is quicker and easier for me, so i can learn to translate the deco from my journal pages to this site. i get to have a healthy creative outlet while learning in the process, plus it's cheaper!!